I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
