watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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