Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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