I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
