I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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