i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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