why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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