Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
