this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
