You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
