Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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