no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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