Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
