lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
