bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
