You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
