I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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