Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
