you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
