Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
