HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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