I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
