not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
