I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
