I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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