I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
