True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
