I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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