the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
