there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
