I have demons in me.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
