would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
