I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
