You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He passed out mid-signature
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
