I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think I died a long time ago.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You were trust falling into bushes
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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