you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
