I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
