My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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