I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
