Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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