Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
