If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
