I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
