non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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