Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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