1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
A bitchslap is in order.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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