she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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