so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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