I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I still have a little drunk in my system
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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