Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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