i think my tv is drunk
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
