these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
