dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
