Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
