when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
