Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
