I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
