I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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