I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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